We'll Never Be Part of HER Family

The bridal shower turned out to be a great success! Kimberly was exceedingly happy, the guests had a good time, there were no major glitches (except Kimberly picking a friend up at the train station, the train being late and them being late for the shower) and Mimi didn't act like a total bitch. She was actually very nice and hugged me as she came in. I got to meet Zach's sister, Rachel, who was really sweet. I did notice that my mom tried joking with Mimi who just didn't seem to understand humor. Also, she had brought all the food she made in nice pans and bowls with nice utensils. I washed them all, being careful not to use anything but my hands. When she was leaving, I told her I washed all the stuff and she said the girls were taking them home. I didn't quite understand. What she ended up meaning was that she was leaving them and didn't want them! I guess my house was too unclean and had completely unkoshered these items. And they were really good stoneware pans for the quiches she made, metal pie servers, etc. So, I decided to keep a pan and some utensils. Her loss, my gain! Leah and Kimberly took the rest. Also before she left, I asked if I could take a picture with her, her daughter, daughter-in-law Stacy and Kimberly. I snapped two pictures. When I looked at them later, I realized she did not smile in either picture. The girls were all beaming the most wonderful smiles. Very telling, indeed. It's like when you take a picture of a ghost, they don't show up on the film. I guess you can't hide the "bitch" in a photo -- it just comes out! The latest irritation is that Mimi ordered suits for "all our guys" but that didn't include Robbie. I don't expect her to buy my son a suit, but she had the nerve to say that Robbie's suit doesn't have to match theirs. So, all the ushers and the groom and father of the groom will be wearing the same suit and my son would be the only one in a different suit??!! No way! It is glaringly obvious that Kimberly's family will never be a part of HER family.

Then She Will Understand

I'm so tired of our family getting screwed in this wedding. I decided to go along with what Mimi wanted when it came to the invitations. She wanted to go pick them up and said she would overnight mine to me along with the stamps. So I let her. What I really wanted was to have the invitations shipped to my house and have Kimberly and Zach come down and we could stuff them together. I told Kimberly what a special memory that was for me when I stuffed the envelopes with my mom. Kimberly told me it was too inconvenient to come down to do that and she wanted to do her invitations during the week. So, she called me today to ask me for some info for the online RSVP's and she told me that they stuffed the envelopes together with Zach's family last night. THEY got to share that special memory, cutting me out yet again. I'm so tired of being cut out. I'm the damn mother of the bride, yet I feel like I'm nothing. What's worth is Kimberly is allowing me to feel like I'm nothing and no one to her. I really don't think I can ever forgive the crappy treatment I've gotten from my daughter throughout this. She has repeatedly taken their side, blamed me for everything and bitched me out over and over again. I've done nothing to those people but I have a list of crappy things they've done and said to me. And I'M the one to blame?!! Today, I just want to forget about the shower and the wedding. And, I've all but decided there won't be an aufruf at my temple. Why should I? I am not happy about the wedding. I don't think Zach is the right person for Kimberly. I know for a fact that I will only be allowed to be marginally in her life. Their life will be all about his family. And Kimberly seems fine with that. I hope she feels the hurt she has given me someday. I can only wish that what she has given to me she gets back from her own children. Then she will understand.

I'm Still Going

Yes, even though I'm still extremely upset, I am still planning to go to the wedding. Kimberly and I had a very nice conversation the following day after the phone call with her and Zach and seemed to straighten a lot of things out. However, you can never really tell with her. She is the queen of blowing smoke up people's asses so she doesn't have to face the music. She told me she didn't know what Zach was going to say on the phone call. I told her that I had warned her against blaming me for everything and when that's exactly what he did, I put a stop to it. If this guy doesn't apologize to me, it speaks volumes of the kind of man he is. He seems to act just like his parents. They feel they are always justified to treat people like crap. They've done nothing but push me, bully me, threaten me and harass me through this whole process. I feel very good about how I've handled myself. I haven't let them goad me into misbehavior. Every nasty phone call and e-mail, I've basically ignored and tried to act as business-like as possible. Now, the next hurdle I'm faced with is having Zach's mother, sister and some other family members and friends at my house for the shower. I really wish I had never agreed to have it in my home. I also am reluctant now to have the aufruf that I have been trying to plan. I don't feel good about this marriage. If this guy treats me like a piece of garbage, he will treat my daughter that way, too, at some point in the future. He already has, when he broke up with her just over a year ago. But, she was willing to forgive him. That means, I have to, as well. I still feel that if they push me too far, I'll pop and just tell them I'm done and will no longer be part of the wedding. This is a very complex situation, made complex by Zach and his parents.

Go Ahead, Make My Day

I had a conversation on the phone tonight with Kimberly and Zach where they attacked me and blamed me for everything. No apologies for how I've been treated or for how they've treated me. But, I didn't allow them to twist things. I told them how it was and how wrong everything they said was. I hate Zach now and am more convinced than ever that he is as horrible as his parents. I put him in his place more than once. He certainly had a lot of nerve to mouth off to the mother of his future wife and my daughter just let him. She also had a lot of nerve to tell me that coming home to put together the invitations was inconvenient, especially since she hasn't been home since January. She just doesn't get it. All I can say is I hope she has a daughter exactly like her and that her daughter treats her exactly the way she treats me. Her uncle Les told me it was inconvenient for him to come visit his mother once a month. I am so sick of this wedding, it isn't even funny. I am almost certain that when I speak with Kimberly on the phone tomorrow I will end our relationship and I will not attend the wedding nor put one more penny toward it. She just needs to push me. Go ahead, Kimberly, make my day.

Why am I the Last to Know?

I had a great phone conversation with Kimberly's Maid of Honor tonight, planning the bridal shower, however, it left me feeling very upset and prompted me to write a note to Kimberly. It seemed after speaking with Leah that Kimberly had told her everything about the problems I've had with Mimi. Only problem, I have no idea what Mimi's problem is. My note asked Kimberly to show me some loyalty and tell me what she knows. I am going to have it out with that witch, Mimi, but I deserve to know what's going on so I am not blind-sided. The thing I know: She doesn't like that I won't speak on the phone with her. Outside of that, I really don't know why she treats me so badly and have no clue about what she possibly could say against me. I've done nothing but try to work together, keep her in the loop and try to be respectful. After everything, I no longer feel inclined to be nice. I actually feel like a giant ass for having even tried to be nice to her after everything she's done to me. It is time for a showdown. I have to face the bully if I want any self esteem at all. I will not be able to look myself in the mirror if I can't stand up for myself. That crazy bitch scares me, though! She is ruthless and easily cuts people to shreds at her very whim. I am the opposite of that. I want to just run away and hide until all of this wedding stuff is over. But, feeling sorry for myself isn't getting me anywhere. I've got to be strong. I have no idea whether Kimberly will tell me what I need to know or what I will do if she refuses. I already feel pretty badly about my daughter. I'm extremely disappointed in how she's treated me and how she hasn't stood up for me and her own family. I am so close to just telling Kimberly I will not come to the wedding if this shit continues. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Mimi's Your New Mummy

After a nice weekend away in Washington D.C. I spent the morning crying my eyes out. I was feeling overwhelmed by the wedding planning and how Zach's parents keep treating me. Last week, I found out that the printer we are using for the invitations, which I am paying for, sent all the envelopes to Mimi. She is having the addresses of her guests and Kimberly and Zach's guests printed on the envelopes. Even though I am paying for all 185 of the envelopes she is having printed, she did not have the common decency to offer to print my mere 25 envelopes. I thought that was really low. When I asked Kimberly about it, she told me that I had said at the printer that I didn't want my envelopes printed. I told her that, indeed, I had said that because I did not want to incur even more costs. Mimi certainly never offered to print my envelopes at that time. Needless to say, I again found myself going through the roof about how horrible Zach's mom is treating me. I shot off an e-mail to her on Friday telling her I thought it wasn't very nice of her to not even offer to have my envelopes printed as well and definitely not cool to not even offer to chip in on the invitations. She sent me an e-mail back saying she would send me my envelopes. There should be 40 there, but I am not expecting to get that many. It will be interesting to see what she sends. Meanwhile, I am going to contact the printer to let him know that all the invitations need to be sent to my house. Kimberly wanted the invitations to go to Mimi's house!! I really did think that Kimberly was my daughter who would stand up for me and her own family if she saw we were being treated badly. On the phone, Kimberly agreed that I would never do the crappy things that Mimi has done to me. She did say she spoke with Mimi about the vases and Mimi blamed it all on Kimberly misunderstanding her (yeah, right). She apparently apologized to Kimberly, but I'm still waiting for MY apology. I realize that I need to have it out with Mimi before I allow her into my house. I have never been good at standing up to bullies, but I know that it is my only choice if I am to live with myself. I am going to play hardball at this point because that is all my daughter's new "mummy" will understand. I don't know if anyone has had the balls to stand up this chick in her life, because she's really scary. Should be interesting...

Picture Perfect?

Kimberly and I had been checking out photographers since January. We found someone who was a great price and included both photographs and video and a whole bunch of extras. Two problems -- he had not shot an Orthodox wedding in a long time and could not produce the pictures he shot. Second, he would only send one photographer and one videographer. Kimberly pondered this for a couple of months before finally telling me that would not work. So, I began contacting other photographers, some that Kimberly suggested. We were ready to go with one when I received a call from Zach's mother. She immediately said that I was making the relationship antagonistic. She told me they would only consider the photographer she used before, someone experienced in Orthodox weddings. This would cost about $5,000 compared to $2,600 that the first photographer we considered cost, giving us less extras and far inferior photographs. She said I could pay what I had planned to pay and they would pay the rest. She refused to compromise, yet again. It was her way or the highway as usual. The phone call did not end well. I threw in a little dig and that sent her off the deep end. Oh well. A few days later Kimberly told me that she wanted to talk to me on the phone about it. She ambushed me with Zach and he told me that the only thing he felt strongly about was the photographer and really wanted to use the same photographer that his sister and brother used. I told him that I didn't like their photography and that they were over-priced. I said whatever happened to working together and compromising? I told him the only person who has had to compromise is me, over and over again. It didn't matter. I finally called their photographer and decided that I really had no choice. I told them I would go with their photographer. Yet again, I had to give in. Yet again, I was being blamed for causing the problem. The problem was that I didn't "yes" these people to death and do everything they wanted. It was my mistake thinking that we were working together. Kimberly told me today that she's tired of being in the middle. That she's hearing it from both sides. When I asked her what their problem with me was and what did I do to them, she wouldn't say. I am so fed up with this whole situation I'm ready to back out of the wedding completely. I blame Kimberly for all of this. She has let this happen.

I'll Take My Ball and Go Home

When Kimberly and I met with Debbie the florist, we were blown away! She was exactly what we were looking for. She had great ideas, was very motivated and made us feel she would take care of making the wedding beautiful. Her price was great, too, so that was a nice surprise. I was so excited, I shared the news of our meeting with Mimi. I told her that Debbie could rent us the chuppah fully decorated for $500, because the venue does not have a chuppah. I had already told Mimi and Elliot that I would not pay for the chuppah rental. I also told Mimi that Debbie would do a sample centerpiece and show it to us at the venue so we could see how it would look on the table. I told her that I would let her know when that would be. I also said that I was in contact with Kimberly's maid of honor and one of her bridesmaids who are planning the bridal shower. It was a really nice -- and normal -- e-mail. What I got back knocked my socks right off. "I know you said "your place" included a chuppah and "my place" doesn't so you are making us pay for the chuppah. But "your place" only included a frame and was undecorated so I thought you were making us pay for the frame. Why does this price include the decoration? Rachel (her daughter) is also in touch with the bridesmaids and has discussed dates and ideas with them. I will get a count on how many vases and which shapes I have." She had offered to Kimberly at the very beginning of the planning that she had vases we could use for the centerpieces. She had even texted me photos and told me the dimensions so I could share that with the florist. Using the vases would, of course, save me money. I responded to her nasty e-mail by saying simply that the florist was going to break down the price and that I was merely keeping her informed of what was going on. After discussing with Kimberly, we decided to go with Debbie the florist for the flowers. I e-mailed Mimi to tell her that we had decided on Debbie and she e-mailed me back saying we couldn't use the vases now. I immediately called Kimberly who was super pissed since she had seen Mimi just a few days before and even discussed the vases but Mimi never mentioned we couldn't use them. I told Kimberly that is was okay and to not make a big deal about it. That it was better this way. I hate to be beholden to anyone, especially someone like Mimi who has no idea how to work together as a team to accomplish anything. Debbie, the florist, was great and said she would get the vases wholesale for us so it would only add about a dollar to each arrangement. I realize that I was dealing with a very petty, childish, spoiled woman who was not at all interested in planning this wedding together or in even getting along. While it infuriated me that she was treating me like crap, more than anything, I had a feeling of dread for my daughter who would have this woman in her life for a very long time.

You Don't Even Get Cake?!

I almost don't remember all the timeline for all the turmoil that happened when my daughter decided she was going to marry Zach. On a snowy night, I drove to Temple B'nai Tikvah to look at the North Brunswick temple as a wedding venue. I loved it! It was large, the kids could get married in an actual sanctuary and the food choices were phenomenal. So, Kimberly and her future in-laws went to look at it, too. Again, STILL NOT ENGAGED! A short time later, I received a phone call from Zach's dad -- yep, they had called the big guns in. He told me that the method of payment I had worked out with the venue that brought the cost to the exact top of my price range would not work for them and would I go $5 per person higher. I reluctantly agreed. He again demanded to know how much I was going to pay for the wedding. I would not tell him. I got an e-mail from them several days later saying the venue was too small and would not accomodate the two large man-man and woman-woman circles of dancers following the ceremony and they didn't like that chairs would have to be added to the sanctuary to accomodate all guests for the ceremony. However, the venue and caterer they wanted had come down in price to match the price we would have gotten at B'nai Tikvah. Upon further investigation, many things were not included in the price at Old Tappan Manor/Main Event Caterers: linens were an extra $1.50 pp, there was no chuppah so that would have to be rented and the cake wasn't included. Kimberly informed me they didn't want a cake because at every wedding she had been to noone ate the cake because everyone was so full. If it was that important to me, she was willing to allow me to pay the $300 for the cake. I informed her that I would not pay a dime for the cake, even though I wanted there to be a cake. Amidst all the turmoil, I told Kimberly I would not discuss the wedding further until she was engaged. I then received a phone call from Zach telling me he was planning to propose at the end of the new Hobbit movie we were planning to see the coming weekend. There then would be a party back at his parents house. Robbie and I went up to NYC and after the movie, Zach did as he said, to thunderous applause and cheers from the movie theater staff in the back of the theater. Kimberly was shocked and surprised, but very happy! Back at Zach's parents house, I received a pretty icy reception. Mimi and Elliot basically didn't talk to me the whole time I was there. I was more than ok with that. A funny moment was when Zach's brother made a toast, something about the wedding means the joining of our two families into one. Yup...right. Meanwhile, I agreed to take a look at Old Tappan Manor and to make my daughter happy, I agreed to it. I told them they would have to pay for the chuppah rental and also the cost for the linens. On the phone, Elliot said it's only $1.50 per person, that comes out to -- I said, "That might not be much to you but it's a lot to me!" That shut him up pretty quickly. Ah, for several weeks after things were fairly peaceful. Until Kimberly and I selected the florist...it was not all hearts and flowers!

Rules of Pre-Engagement

A week had passed since our dinner at my daughter's boyfriend's parents house when my work phone rang and it was Mimi. How unusual, since I gave her my private cell number to contact me. And how surprising since we had only first met a week before and our children weren't yet engaged. Kimberly had apparently told her that I was considering paying for several items in her wedding, including the florist, photographer, band, invitations. Mimi asked me if I mentioned those things based on real numbers. I told her I hadn't and that I would be investigating prices. She told me that a photographer alone was $6,000! I expressed surprise and said that I knew several photographers and their prices would not be that high. She told me that was the price for a person experienced in shooting Orthodix Jewish weddings. When I told her we could get the price down much cheaper, she said it had to be someone experienced because she didn't want to spend the wedding directing the photographer. I told her we could brief the photographer and it would be fine but she would have none of it. She then demanded to know how much I was going to spend on the wedding. I told her that I didn't know. She then blew me away by saying, "Why don't you just concentrate on Kimberly and pay for her hair and nails and you can be a guest at the wedding." She also said I would have to cut my guest list (of about 30 people) down!! Can you see me blowing my stack at that moment? I told her I would not be a "guest" at my own daughter's wedding and there would be no way I would cut down the number of guests I'd be having. We hung up and I called Kimberly and told her what happened. She, of course, went ballistic, blamed everything on me and wrote the most insulting e-mail to me, Mimi and Zach demanding I tell Zach's parents how much I'd be spending on the wedding. I wrote her back telling her she was being very disrespectful and that neither Mimi nor I are required to pay for her wedding so she better appreciate what we're doing. All this and Kimberly and Zach were not even yet engaged. Little did I know that this was just the first of many run-ins with Zach's bossy, pushy, arrogant and nasty parents. Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy ride!

You're Getting What?!

Summer went by quickly, as it always does now. Gone is the time when summer seemed to last forever and I couldn't wait for school to start. There are no more summers with Kimberly and her younger brother, Robbie where each afternoon was spent in the pool, loads of friends around, bowls of popcorn and Flavor ice. Kimberly and Zach visited maybe once over the summer. They came for brunch and then went to the boardwalk, then came back for dinner -- a kosher chicken I bought at the Kosher Experience at Shop-Rite. It was good conversation, nothing too deep. Kimberly seemed very happy. Once fall hit, Kimberly hinted that she had something to tell me. When we finally found some time to chat, she told me Zach wanted to get married. They wanted to have a wedding the following August. But you're so young! But that's not much time to plan! But, they both are way too immature to get married. Wait, how old was I when I got married? I was 23 and that's how old Kimberly would be when she took her vows. For me, it didn't work out so well. After 15 years of marriage and two children, I got a divorce. I realized how stupid I had been. I had seen all the signs of a disaster and took the plunge anyway. I saw some signs of disaster for Kimberly so I talked to her about it and urged her to think long and hard about whether she could accept these things for the long haul. What is a minor annoyance now could spell big problems in the future. At age 22, I don't think she could comprehend it. Kimberly now wanted me to meet Zach's parents. Mimi and Elliot invited my family to their house in Englewood on the day before Kimberly's 23rd birthday. I told Kimberly we would celebrate her birthday at that time. I'd bring a cake, which I ordered from a kosher bakery in Teaneck. I bought her the cutest Vera Bradley wallet. We got in the car and I nervously drove north on the Garden State Parkway. They seemed much more formal than my family. They loved to talk about themselves and did not seem a bit interested in anything about us. Dinner was fine. However, things went awry after dinner when they sent everyone out of the dining room so we could talk about the wedding! What? The kids aren't even engaged and they wanted to talk about the wedding?! I obliged them and kept an open mind. That was until they told me that Kimberly had advised them of my financial situation. Again, what?! Okay, this is not happening, they are not talking down to me the very first time we met. This was not good. Not good at all. They told me they had a place in mind, the caterer, the photographer, but wanted to plan the wedding together. They asked that I do some investigating and they would, too and we would share what we learned. No time frame was set. Leaving that night, I felt somewhat sick. I tried to stay positive but I had the feeling you get just before something bad happens. I was a deer in the headlights.

Graduating to the Next Level

Kimberly had turned her life around. From almost losing her scholarship through the first five semesters because of the horrible first semester of partying sinking her grade point average, she was set to graduate from college with over a 3.0 with a double major in Jewish studies and English. I could not have been more proud. When Kimberly presented her thesis at the Jewish Studies department's awards ceremony, I was the only one there for her, cheering her on, videotaping the whole thing and kvelling. It was such a special mother/daughter time. I had always been my daughter's champion. She certainly put me through hell the last few years. First, dating a guy a few years older who wanted her only for sex. Lying to me constantly. Crashing her car into another car in the Great Adventure parking lot then going into work like nothing happened and getting fired. Getting so many parking tickets and not paying them that MY license got suspended without me knowing it. Getting her car towed and never telling me and just letting it sit in the impound for a month, wracking up daily charges until I found out. Blowing up the motor of her car because she drove it with no oil. Tickets, tickets and more tickets. So, I allowed myself to feel some joy for all she put me through. By then, she already was back with Zach. He was going to be coming to graduation. I had to accept that he was a part of her life. I didn't like it. I didn't forgive him. But there he was. Graduation day, he sat with us and then came to the family party. He never had much to say to me. I hoped it was because he was afraid of me. That he knew what he had done and he knew that I wasn't happy about it. But, it was clear he wasn't going anywhere. Kimberly came home for a month after graduation until she found an apartment near Zach's in the city. We helped move her in. I told her it was the last move I would participate in. It was not fun and quite expensive to move her and her stuff plus new furniture I had bought her for graduation. She didn't even seem to appreciate it. Zach met us at the apartment and helped move the stuff from the truck up to the fifth floor. On one trip, we got to Kimberly's apartment door and she couldn't find the keys. She had left them in the apartment building door! I was so upset and tired and hot, I called her a nasty name in front of Zach. Not cool. Immediate regret. When we were done, I knew. I knew that my little girl was gone forever. She was starting her life as an adult without me. I didn't know what that would mean then. I'm starting to figure it out now. That day started the road to losing my daughter.

Can You Be MORE Jewish?

It started slowly. First, Kimberly decided to eat mostly kosher. She would eat out with us, and just wouldn't eat meat. She would cook her kosher foods in my home on any pan and eat on any plate, not worrying about whether dairy or meat had touched the pan or plate or cutlery. Then, she became shomer shabbos -- observant of the Shabbat custom of not driving, turning on lights and a whole litany of other weird rules. All this pleased me. She was no longer doing poorly in school, she wasn't partying all the time, she was hanging out with smart, good kids. I figured becoming more observant as a Jew would be very helpful to her. I felt Kimberly thrived in a strict environment. She would have had a great career in the military if she could've gotten through the physical aspects of the training. None of us are really that athletic. When she met Zachary, she had come across a long string of losers that she either dated or liked -- none of whom treated her well. This new guy asked her out on a proper date. He made an effort to come see her at school (he went to school in NYC). They had a lot of interests in common. The only problem was that he was an Orthodox jew. You know, the kind that wears a yarmulke (head covering) all the time. Very strict kosher and shomer shabbos. The type of judaism where women are not treated equally. Hmmmmm. Kind of big strike against him. My boyfriend took an instant dislike to this guy. Upon first meeting, Zach was kind of laid back and not very animated at all. Kimberly said he even complained that our house was very far. His family is from Englewood, center of modern Orthodox living in North Jersey. So, yes, I can see how he would think our house in Brick is far away for him. It must have seemed like another universe. It is nothing like the close-knit Orthodox community he is used to, where almost everyone is well to do. Brick is just a modest town with modest people. Hmmmm. Not sure about this guy. An important trait for any guy to have who is dating my daughter -- willingness to do anything to make her happy and even more willingness to go out of his way to be nice to her family. Not exactly happening with Zach. Kimberly had been dating Zach for about a year when I got a tearful phone call from her saying that Zach had broken up with her, said some horrible things about her and basically blamed her for every problem between them. I dropped the phone and jumped in my car and drove to Kimberly's school and took her out for a couple of drinks. She was devastated! She really loved this guy and he broke her heart. I was able to calm her down and drop her back at her house into the loving arms of her sweet and wonderful roommates. I hoped she would spend time healing over what Zach did to her. Instead, Kimberly determined that this was only a temporary separation and that he would come back to her. I secretly hoped that would not happen. She might forgive him but how was I supposed to forgive a guy who had no qualms about ripping out my daughter's heart?

Welcome to My Crazy, Mixed-up Jewish Life

I grew up in a pretty normal Jewish family. We went to temple on the high holidays, kept kosher in our home, and celebrated Chanukah and Passover. I went to two torturous years of Hebrew School before I whined to my mother enough that she stopped forcing me to go. I spent about a year in Jewish youth group and then that was that. While I identified with being Jewish, I married a non-Jew and decided that kosher wasn't for me. I could not deny my love for bacon and for cheeseburgers! We celebrated only Jewish holidays in the home, however, Christmas and Easter were big deals at the in-laws. Since there was nothing religious about those holidays for my in-laws, I really got into it. We would dress my kids up in their spring finest and parade them on the boardwalk on Easter Sunday, then go over to the grandparents for a big non-ham dinner. I must say, my in-laws were hugely understanding at that time and very, very respectful. When my daughter, Kimberly, reached first grade, I decided it was time to send HER to Hebrew School. A friend I met at Gymboree suggested the only synagogue in town, which was Conservative. So, I called the temple and the rabbi got on the phone! To me, a rabbi was an old guy with a yiddish accent and long white beard! And he never, NEVER spoke to you! Imagine my surprise when the rabbi actually spoke with me -- then invited me to come meet with him! When I met the rabbi, he was fairly young with a young son. I signed Kimberly up immediately. That day changed my life and hers forever. While I was not interested in my judaism when I was young, I now wanted to learn everything. Kimberly was loving Hebrew School and quickly made a nice group of friends. I was so excited to be part of this community, when it came Purim time, I decided to make Hamentaschen, the triangular cookie shaped like the hat the villain of the story wore, as a snack for Kimberly's Hebrew School class. Rabbi's wife was one of the teachers and asked me if the cookies were kosher. It literally never occurred to me! I told her that the ingredients were kosher but I did not keep kosher at home. She promptly told me to take them away. I was mortified! Seeing how embarassed I was, Rabbi's wife softened and apologized. I just didn't understand. Unbeknownst to me, I had a lot more of that coming up in my future, when my daughter decided to marry an Orthodox Jewish man! Back to the 1990's, every year Kimberly grew to love being Jewish more. She joined Kadima and did many sleepovers for Shabbat and other activities. As she got older, she was elected president of our Kadima chapter, then moved on to USY, United Synagogue Youth. At sleepover weekends for USY, all Jewish customs were strictly observed -- kosher, no work on Shabbat, modest dress. She loved it even more. She again ascended to President of USY. She even taught Hebrew School her senior year in High school. After taking a break to party big-time first semester of college, she eventually became involved in Hillel and the Jewish acapella singing group. She yet again was elected to offices, led Saturday morning conservative services, learned to read Torah and even learned how to cook, something I just couldn't get her to do under my tutelage! She went to Israel twice and seriously considered becoming a rabbi. However, the job prospects for a woman conservative rabbi were not good. Then she met HIM.