Graduating to the Next Level

Kimberly had turned her life around. From almost losing her scholarship through the first five semesters because of the horrible first semester of partying sinking her grade point average, she was set to graduate from college with over a 3.0 with a double major in Jewish studies and English. I could not have been more proud. When Kimberly presented her thesis at the Jewish Studies department's awards ceremony, I was the only one there for her, cheering her on, videotaping the whole thing and kvelling. It was such a special mother/daughter time. I had always been my daughter's champion. She certainly put me through hell the last few years. First, dating a guy a few years older who wanted her only for sex. Lying to me constantly. Crashing her car into another car in the Great Adventure parking lot then going into work like nothing happened and getting fired. Getting so many parking tickets and not paying them that MY license got suspended without me knowing it. Getting her car towed and never telling me and just letting it sit in the impound for a month, wracking up daily charges until I found out. Blowing up the motor of her car because she drove it with no oil. Tickets, tickets and more tickets. So, I allowed myself to feel some joy for all she put me through. By then, she already was back with Zach. He was going to be coming to graduation. I had to accept that he was a part of her life. I didn't like it. I didn't forgive him. But there he was. Graduation day, he sat with us and then came to the family party. He never had much to say to me. I hoped it was because he was afraid of me. That he knew what he had done and he knew that I wasn't happy about it. But, it was clear he wasn't going anywhere. Kimberly came home for a month after graduation until she found an apartment near Zach's in the city. We helped move her in. I told her it was the last move I would participate in. It was not fun and quite expensive to move her and her stuff plus new furniture I had bought her for graduation. She didn't even seem to appreciate it. Zach met us at the apartment and helped move the stuff from the truck up to the fifth floor. On one trip, we got to Kimberly's apartment door and she couldn't find the keys. She had left them in the apartment building door! I was so upset and tired and hot, I called her a nasty name in front of Zach. Not cool. Immediate regret. When we were done, I knew. I knew that my little girl was gone forever. She was starting her life as an adult without me. I didn't know what that would mean then. I'm starting to figure it out now. That day started the road to losing my daughter.