We'll Never Be Part of HER Family

The bridal shower turned out to be a great success! Kimberly was exceedingly happy, the guests had a good time, there were no major glitches (except Kimberly picking a friend up at the train station, the train being late and them being late for the shower) and Mimi didn't act like a total bitch. She was actually very nice and hugged me as she came in. I got to meet Zach's sister, Rachel, who was really sweet. I did notice that my mom tried joking with Mimi who just didn't seem to understand humor. Also, she had brought all the food she made in nice pans and bowls with nice utensils. I washed them all, being careful not to use anything but my hands. When she was leaving, I told her I washed all the stuff and she said the girls were taking them home. I didn't quite understand. What she ended up meaning was that she was leaving them and didn't want them! I guess my house was too unclean and had completely unkoshered these items. And they were really good stoneware pans for the quiches she made, metal pie servers, etc. So, I decided to keep a pan and some utensils. Her loss, my gain! Leah and Kimberly took the rest. Also before she left, I asked if I could take a picture with her, her daughter, daughter-in-law Stacy and Kimberly. I snapped two pictures. When I looked at them later, I realized she did not smile in either picture. The girls were all beaming the most wonderful smiles. Very telling, indeed. It's like when you take a picture of a ghost, they don't show up on the film. I guess you can't hide the "bitch" in a photo -- it just comes out! The latest irritation is that Mimi ordered suits for "all our guys" but that didn't include Robbie. I don't expect her to buy my son a suit, but she had the nerve to say that Robbie's suit doesn't have to match theirs. So, all the ushers and the groom and father of the groom will be wearing the same suit and my son would be the only one in a different suit??!! No way! It is glaringly obvious that Kimberly's family will never be a part of HER family.

Then She Will Understand

I'm so tired of our family getting screwed in this wedding. I decided to go along with what Mimi wanted when it came to the invitations. She wanted to go pick them up and said she would overnight mine to me along with the stamps. So I let her. What I really wanted was to have the invitations shipped to my house and have Kimberly and Zach come down and we could stuff them together. I told Kimberly what a special memory that was for me when I stuffed the envelopes with my mom. Kimberly told me it was too inconvenient to come down to do that and she wanted to do her invitations during the week. So, she called me today to ask me for some info for the online RSVP's and she told me that they stuffed the envelopes together with Zach's family last night. THEY got to share that special memory, cutting me out yet again. I'm so tired of being cut out. I'm the damn mother of the bride, yet I feel like I'm nothing. What's worth is Kimberly is allowing me to feel like I'm nothing and no one to her. I really don't think I can ever forgive the crappy treatment I've gotten from my daughter throughout this. She has repeatedly taken their side, blamed me for everything and bitched me out over and over again. I've done nothing to those people but I have a list of crappy things they've done and said to me. And I'M the one to blame?!! Today, I just want to forget about the shower and the wedding. And, I've all but decided there won't be an aufruf at my temple. Why should I? I am not happy about the wedding. I don't think Zach is the right person for Kimberly. I know for a fact that I will only be allowed to be marginally in her life. Their life will be all about his family. And Kimberly seems fine with that. I hope she feels the hurt she has given me someday. I can only wish that what she has given to me she gets back from her own children. Then she will understand.

I'm Still Going

Yes, even though I'm still extremely upset, I am still planning to go to the wedding. Kimberly and I had a very nice conversation the following day after the phone call with her and Zach and seemed to straighten a lot of things out. However, you can never really tell with her. She is the queen of blowing smoke up people's asses so she doesn't have to face the music. She told me she didn't know what Zach was going to say on the phone call. I told her that I had warned her against blaming me for everything and when that's exactly what he did, I put a stop to it. If this guy doesn't apologize to me, it speaks volumes of the kind of man he is. He seems to act just like his parents. They feel they are always justified to treat people like crap. They've done nothing but push me, bully me, threaten me and harass me through this whole process. I feel very good about how I've handled myself. I haven't let them goad me into misbehavior. Every nasty phone call and e-mail, I've basically ignored and tried to act as business-like as possible. Now, the next hurdle I'm faced with is having Zach's mother, sister and some other family members and friends at my house for the shower. I really wish I had never agreed to have it in my home. I also am reluctant now to have the aufruf that I have been trying to plan. I don't feel good about this marriage. If this guy treats me like a piece of garbage, he will treat my daughter that way, too, at some point in the future. He already has, when he broke up with her just over a year ago. But, she was willing to forgive him. That means, I have to, as well. I still feel that if they push me too far, I'll pop and just tell them I'm done and will no longer be part of the wedding. This is a very complex situation, made complex by Zach and his parents.