The Struggle

Yesterday, my daughter decided to go off on me because I had asked her if she and her husband would be uncomfortable if Charlie and I put up a "holiday" tree this year. You see, Kimberly and Zach are coming to my house for Chanukah and I didn't want them to walk in and see the tree then -- I wanted to give them a heads up. I didn't know what they would do -- walk out? I wanted to find out ahead of time so if she told me they wouldn't come if there was a tree, we would then not put up the tree. I still don't know that we ARE putting up the tree. But, I figured, get it all out in the open just in case. Kimberly told me that Zach would feel a little uncomfortable. So, I told her that when I come to her house, I follow her rules and that I will live my life how I wish in my own home. For some reason, she told me what I said and how I said it hurt her feelings. She went off on me about how they feel judged by me and that I don't understand or accept how they practice their religion. She also blew me away by telling me they don't consider themselves Orthodox. It was quite crazy. I kept telling her that she was being argumentative and finally said, after she sent me a really insane and nasty e-mail, that if she wanted to discuss it further, she could call me. She shot me back that I was right and she didn't want to argue and would talk to me later this week. That, on top of my mom refusing to pay for a caregiver to stay with her while Charlie and I go to his daughter's wedding totally sent me over the edge. I was a sobbing wreck last night. As it stands, I'm not going to the wedding and it sucks. Charlie will be gone 5 days. I'm somewhat relieved because Charlie feels his ex-wife will accost me even though I was in no way responsible for the break up of his marriage to her. Who needs that kind of crap?! But, I also hate that I will miss out on his daughter's big day. And, my mom keeps apologizing that she is holding me back. I AM very angry that I'm being held prisoner. I thought by securing a caregiver service that I'd actually get to go do things again. But, she won't spend the money. She's giving me a horribly hard time about the daily caregiver who comes for 3 hours each afternoon. I just can't win. I feel like my life is over. By the time I have my freedom back, I might be too old and sick to enjoy it. I just really need a break.

The Wedding that Came and Went

It's been awhile since I checked in. Obviously, Kimberly's wedding is but a mere memory. Let's just say that I did not emerge as one of Zach's mother's best friends. It's surprising, though, how nice her friends and family were to me, including her mother and brothers. Mimi and Elliot are just not nice people. They treated me like crap the whole weekend of Kimberly's wedding and didn't even talk to me. I sat next to Elliot at the Shabbat luncheon on Saturday and tried to engage him in conversation but it didn't last long. Then, at the wedding, they did not speak to me at all. Yup, not at all! In fact, she was an utter bitch to me. The night before the wedding, it was Robbie, Kimberly, me and Kimberly's friend Sarah in a hotel room. I had brought a couple of surprises for Kimberly, including a book I made from pictures of her bridal shower. Nothing. She was like nothing to me that night and the whole wedding. No connection whatsoever. The wedding actually went very smoothly. A couple of things that ticked me off -- the flowers I ordered for Zach, his brothers and his father were never touched...left like garbage in a box. Zach never put that damn flower on! And, then, the stupid Jewish music. I had gotten assurances from Kimberly and Zach that the music would last a half hour. It lasted two hours!! My guests were so bored by it that they all ended up going outside until it stopped! Even all these months later, it all pisses me off to no end. And, since then, it's been all about Zach's family. I've seen Kimberly exactly twice since August. She and Zach came back from a more than 2 week honeymoon in Israel, London and Ireland and she still hasn't called me. We had a short google chat last week. I had wanted to get together finally for Chanukah and she suggested next Monday, Marin Luther King Day. I really can't do it that day. I haven't heard from her and I don't plan on contacting her. I'm so done with being treated like shit! Then, today, I find out that my son, Robbie, got a $3,000 refund check from school as reimbursement from the NJ STARS program for the first semeseter and he neglected to tell me and then blew all the money!! I've had to bail him out of financial jams over the last few months, too. I feel like I must have a "Crap on Lynne" sign on me. I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment but it must have been pretty bad. I get crapped on by my brother who has told me his effort for his mother is commensurate with the amount of money he'll get when he dies. My kids treat me like I don't exist. My boss sucks the life out of me and doesn't appreciate a damn thing. But, I am alive and for the time that I have left on earth I'm going to try to have fun, enjoy life and surround myself with people who actually care about me!

We'll Never Be Part of HER Family

The bridal shower turned out to be a great success! Kimberly was exceedingly happy, the guests had a good time, there were no major glitches (except Kimberly picking a friend up at the train station, the train being late and them being late for the shower) and Mimi didn't act like a total bitch. She was actually very nice and hugged me as she came in. I got to meet Zach's sister, Rachel, who was really sweet. I did notice that my mom tried joking with Mimi who just didn't seem to understand humor. Also, she had brought all the food she made in nice pans and bowls with nice utensils. I washed them all, being careful not to use anything but my hands. When she was leaving, I told her I washed all the stuff and she said the girls were taking them home. I didn't quite understand. What she ended up meaning was that she was leaving them and didn't want them! I guess my house was too unclean and had completely unkoshered these items. And they were really good stoneware pans for the quiches she made, metal pie servers, etc. So, I decided to keep a pan and some utensils. Her loss, my gain! Leah and Kimberly took the rest. Also before she left, I asked if I could take a picture with her, her daughter, daughter-in-law Stacy and Kimberly. I snapped two pictures. When I looked at them later, I realized she did not smile in either picture. The girls were all beaming the most wonderful smiles. Very telling, indeed. It's like when you take a picture of a ghost, they don't show up on the film. I guess you can't hide the "bitch" in a photo -- it just comes out! The latest irritation is that Mimi ordered suits for "all our guys" but that didn't include Robbie. I don't expect her to buy my son a suit, but she had the nerve to say that Robbie's suit doesn't have to match theirs. So, all the ushers and the groom and father of the groom will be wearing the same suit and my son would be the only one in a different suit??!! No way! It is glaringly obvious that Kimberly's family will never be a part of HER family.

Then She Will Understand

I'm so tired of our family getting screwed in this wedding. I decided to go along with what Mimi wanted when it came to the invitations. She wanted to go pick them up and said she would overnight mine to me along with the stamps. So I let her. What I really wanted was to have the invitations shipped to my house and have Kimberly and Zach come down and we could stuff them together. I told Kimberly what a special memory that was for me when I stuffed the envelopes with my mom. Kimberly told me it was too inconvenient to come down to do that and she wanted to do her invitations during the week. So, she called me today to ask me for some info for the online RSVP's and she told me that they stuffed the envelopes together with Zach's family last night. THEY got to share that special memory, cutting me out yet again. I'm so tired of being cut out. I'm the damn mother of the bride, yet I feel like I'm nothing. What's worth is Kimberly is allowing me to feel like I'm nothing and no one to her. I really don't think I can ever forgive the crappy treatment I've gotten from my daughter throughout this. She has repeatedly taken their side, blamed me for everything and bitched me out over and over again. I've done nothing to those people but I have a list of crappy things they've done and said to me. And I'M the one to blame?!! Today, I just want to forget about the shower and the wedding. And, I've all but decided there won't be an aufruf at my temple. Why should I? I am not happy about the wedding. I don't think Zach is the right person for Kimberly. I know for a fact that I will only be allowed to be marginally in her life. Their life will be all about his family. And Kimberly seems fine with that. I hope she feels the hurt she has given me someday. I can only wish that what she has given to me she gets back from her own children. Then she will understand.

I'm Still Going

Yes, even though I'm still extremely upset, I am still planning to go to the wedding. Kimberly and I had a very nice conversation the following day after the phone call with her and Zach and seemed to straighten a lot of things out. However, you can never really tell with her. She is the queen of blowing smoke up people's asses so she doesn't have to face the music. She told me she didn't know what Zach was going to say on the phone call. I told her that I had warned her against blaming me for everything and when that's exactly what he did, I put a stop to it. If this guy doesn't apologize to me, it speaks volumes of the kind of man he is. He seems to act just like his parents. They feel they are always justified to treat people like crap. They've done nothing but push me, bully me, threaten me and harass me through this whole process. I feel very good about how I've handled myself. I haven't let them goad me into misbehavior. Every nasty phone call and e-mail, I've basically ignored and tried to act as business-like as possible. Now, the next hurdle I'm faced with is having Zach's mother, sister and some other family members and friends at my house for the shower. I really wish I had never agreed to have it in my home. I also am reluctant now to have the aufruf that I have been trying to plan. I don't feel good about this marriage. If this guy treats me like a piece of garbage, he will treat my daughter that way, too, at some point in the future. He already has, when he broke up with her just over a year ago. But, she was willing to forgive him. That means, I have to, as well. I still feel that if they push me too far, I'll pop and just tell them I'm done and will no longer be part of the wedding. This is a very complex situation, made complex by Zach and his parents.

Go Ahead, Make My Day

I had a conversation on the phone tonight with Kimberly and Zach where they attacked me and blamed me for everything. No apologies for how I've been treated or for how they've treated me. But, I didn't allow them to twist things. I told them how it was and how wrong everything they said was. I hate Zach now and am more convinced than ever that he is as horrible as his parents. I put him in his place more than once. He certainly had a lot of nerve to mouth off to the mother of his future wife and my daughter just let him. She also had a lot of nerve to tell me that coming home to put together the invitations was inconvenient, especially since she hasn't been home since January. She just doesn't get it. All I can say is I hope she has a daughter exactly like her and that her daughter treats her exactly the way she treats me. Her uncle Les told me it was inconvenient for him to come visit his mother once a month. I am so sick of this wedding, it isn't even funny. I am almost certain that when I speak with Kimberly on the phone tomorrow I will end our relationship and I will not attend the wedding nor put one more penny toward it. She just needs to push me. Go ahead, Kimberly, make my day.

Why am I the Last to Know?

I had a great phone conversation with Kimberly's Maid of Honor tonight, planning the bridal shower, however, it left me feeling very upset and prompted me to write a note to Kimberly. It seemed after speaking with Leah that Kimberly had told her everything about the problems I've had with Mimi. Only problem, I have no idea what Mimi's problem is. My note asked Kimberly to show me some loyalty and tell me what she knows. I am going to have it out with that witch, Mimi, but I deserve to know what's going on so I am not blind-sided. The thing I know: She doesn't like that I won't speak on the phone with her. Outside of that, I really don't know why she treats me so badly and have no clue about what she possibly could say against me. I've done nothing but try to work together, keep her in the loop and try to be respectful. After everything, I no longer feel inclined to be nice. I actually feel like a giant ass for having even tried to be nice to her after everything she's done to me. It is time for a showdown. I have to face the bully if I want any self esteem at all. I will not be able to look myself in the mirror if I can't stand up for myself. That crazy bitch scares me, though! She is ruthless and easily cuts people to shreds at her very whim. I am the opposite of that. I want to just run away and hide until all of this wedding stuff is over. But, feeling sorry for myself isn't getting me anywhere. I've got to be strong. I have no idea whether Kimberly will tell me what I need to know or what I will do if she refuses. I already feel pretty badly about my daughter. I'm extremely disappointed in how she's treated me and how she hasn't stood up for me and her own family. I am so close to just telling Kimberly I will not come to the wedding if this shit continues. I hope it doesn't come to that.