The Struggle

Yesterday, my daughter decided to go off on me because I had asked her if she and her husband would be uncomfortable if Charlie and I put up a "holiday" tree this year. You see, Kimberly and Zach are coming to my house for Chanukah and I didn't want them to walk in and see the tree then -- I wanted to give them a heads up. I didn't know what they would do -- walk out? I wanted to find out ahead of time so if she told me they wouldn't come if there was a tree, we would then not put up the tree. I still don't know that we ARE putting up the tree. But, I figured, get it all out in the open just in case. Kimberly told me that Zach would feel a little uncomfortable. So, I told her that when I come to her house, I follow her rules and that I will live my life how I wish in my own home. For some reason, she told me what I said and how I said it hurt her feelings. She went off on me about how they feel judged by me and that I don't understand or accept how they practice their religion. She also blew me away by telling me they don't consider themselves Orthodox. It was quite crazy. I kept telling her that she was being argumentative and finally said, after she sent me a really insane and nasty e-mail, that if she wanted to discuss it further, she could call me. She shot me back that I was right and she didn't want to argue and would talk to me later this week. That, on top of my mom refusing to pay for a caregiver to stay with her while Charlie and I go to his daughter's wedding totally sent me over the edge. I was a sobbing wreck last night. As it stands, I'm not going to the wedding and it sucks. Charlie will be gone 5 days. I'm somewhat relieved because Charlie feels his ex-wife will accost me even though I was in no way responsible for the break up of his marriage to her. Who needs that kind of crap?! But, I also hate that I will miss out on his daughter's big day. And, my mom keeps apologizing that she is holding me back. I AM very angry that I'm being held prisoner. I thought by securing a caregiver service that I'd actually get to go do things again. But, she won't spend the money. She's giving me a horribly hard time about the daily caregiver who comes for 3 hours each afternoon. I just can't win. I feel like my life is over. By the time I have my freedom back, I might be too old and sick to enjoy it. I just really need a break.